Living as a forgiver
January 4, 2008 | T. Suzanne Eller
I’ve been working on a new book about forgiveness. The deeper that I get into this book, the more I realize how much work there is left to do in my own heart. That’s the beauty of writing, whether in a journal or a book. You can’t get away from the black and white clarity.
I forgive easily. Or at least I say I do. I’m compassionate. I tend to see things through the eyes of mercy, rather than judgment. The big things are forgiven because I know that there is a process, and at the end of it is a healthy perspective and wholeness.
But the guy who has road rage? The person who is unkind to someone because they don’t measure up in image or intellect? The insenstive man or woman who fails to see the needs of those around them?
Not so much.
Because I was once hurt, I throw on my avenger cape and try to make these people conform to my standards, so that they won’t hurt.
This is the problem. Most of the time my avenger cape just gets in the way. People work through conflict. The road rage guy gets pulled over. The person who is insensitve has a chance to apologize.
There are times that I NEED to step in, and I will not hesitate to do that in those cases, but for the most part I need to step back.
I talked about this with two friends who are also authors. One had a dad who was an alcoholic. The other was molested as a child. Their faith in an amazing God has healed them. They both write and speak, and one has a national organization that reaches hundreds of thousands of women.
But they both said this was still a work in progress in them. They’ve conquered, with God’s help, the big things.
Now it’s the little things that irk, annoy, irritate, or inflame.
Yesterday, as I wrote a chapter, I asked God to perform in me what I believed to be a bridge to healing: to live a life as a forgiver–in big and small things.
Suz
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